News from the orthopedic surgeon today: good progress, waiting for the Brace that Will Hold Up the WorldTM, follow-up appointment in six weeks. Yes, my Kansas detour will last a bit longer than expected. I’ve recently suffered a few bouts of le syndrome de l’imposteur. All passed by quickly, alxamdulilaay, but still provided opportunities for self-reflection.
- Peace Corps – I have received a lot of support from friends/colleagues and am waiting to return, but I am no longer like the others. They have had many shared experiences and I don't know if I can les rattraper (catch up to them). Like many tightly-knit groups, the Peace Corps has its own idea of “age” based on length of service. In some countries, it’s not uncommon to hear “Are you from Host Country 20 or 21? When will the 20s have their training?” Will I still be in ma cohorte, in generation 1.5 or in another situation entirely?
- Grad School – As part of the great process of se tourner vers l’avenir (looking to the future), I’ve been researching graduate schools and comparing applications. Bien que (although) I’ll have great recommendations from faculty, I still started panicking when I saw the Personal Statement where I’m asked to define what led me to the field and what I hope to do with my education. Other concerns from web browsing: hard to refocus on “one” goal after relishing diverse experiences and reading selon mes envies (according to my urges/cravings) , comparisons with Everyone Else Who Is Wildly Successful (speaks/reads seven languages, has received super-fancy fellowships, etc).
In addition to moments of self-doubt and tortured self-reflection, I’ve had some very positive experiences as well. Not surprisingly, most of these deal with human interaction. Though I’ m an introvert most of the time, human contact and relationships sustain my emotional life and keep me from being listening too closely to the doubts swirling around my mind. That, and le sport – nothing like a nice walk on a sunny day to turn your mood around!
- Peace Corps - I’ve received a lot of encouraging mail and hope to speak to the administration team in Host Country in the near future about logistics, which should put most of these questions to rest. En outre, I’ll always have those strong connections with my group no matter what I’m called. This week, I gave presentations to sixth graders about the goals of the Peace Corps and what my all-to-brief journey to Burkina was like. This activated a positive feedback loop of performance and adrenaline and reminded me of the joy of teaching and why I joined the Peace Corps.
- Grad School - While stressing out, I glanced over my CV and some common themes jumped out (l’Afrique, la Francophonie, l’identité). I was able to type up a shitty first draft with some ideas, which went a LONG way towards calming me down. De plus, I reviewed some of my old papers and my spirits rose while rereading my own bright insights and encouraging comments from respected professors. While I have some fields that interest me more than others, I don’t have to actually be ready to write a dissertation/commit to a topic RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Sheryfa Luna
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment