Bii-Ribla

The title of this post means “boy” in my Local Language and describes how I’ve been feeling these past few weeks. Part of this sentiment comes from reminiscing about my own mostly happy childhood as ma famille gathered around the Thanksgiving table. We shared stories about growing up, proving that we each privilege different experiences depending on our circumstances and our states of mind. « Les souvenirs perdent leur reste de fraîcheur si on les évoque parmi la foule. La mémoire ne peut être qu’un exercice solitaire » [Memories lose their remains of freshness if one evokes them among a crowd. Memory can only be a solitary exercise.] Furthermore, I’ve had quite a bit of undirected creative time with which to read books and articles, write poems and short fiction, watch TV shows and films. Let’s not forget Christmas music! December was always a mad dash to vacation, made bearable by warm treats and anticipation.

Childlike freedom, however, can also lead to notions of impuissance (helplessness). Especially during this hectic holiday time, when everyone tries to cram in shopping amidst end of school and calendar year activities, it just feels malséant (unseemly) to rest on one’s laurels. I do my exercises three times a day, but there really isn’t much else I can do to speed up my recovery process. Where once I neatly fit into family and social networks, sometimes I feel maladroit (awkward) when making decisions. I will be leaving nindaare (one of these days), but I make contingency plans until then. Today’s Advent reading centered upon the idea of anticipation. “So too, you also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come” (Mt 24:37-44). During his homily, the priest differentiated between tense expectation, such as when awaiting a relative and being receptive in a qué sera, sera mode. My goal for the week is to focus on the latter interpretation. Thankfully, I’ll have more news later this week after several appointments – the holiday rush stops for no one!